Beaurepairs. Why do people think that they can get away with this kind of BS? A slow-leaking tyre caused by a screw I picked up, more than likely in a car park, sent me to my local Beaurepairs. Car dropped off, I was sent off for a cup of coffee. Faster than I could say “One regular cappuccino, no sugar,” I was summoned back to be questioned over an incorrect plug used to repair the same tyre previously.

OK, I admit it. I am not the friendliest person before I’ve had my coffee. The point’s been proven a number of times and confirmed by my male co-workers, who even purchased a small magnetic sign for me stating “I haven’t had my coffee yet. Don’t make me kill you.” I tried to explain that as the owner of comprehensive tyre insurance from Beaurepairs itself, it would make no sense for me to have my tyres repaired anywhere else. Hence, the so-called WRONG plug could have only come from Beaurepairs. This did not seem to make any difference to my accuser, and the lack of caffeine in my bloodstream resulted in a screaming row. My blood pressure at a level that would alarm most medicos, I remarked sarcastically that with nothing else to do one rainy Sunday afternoon, I’d repaired the offending tyre myself using an emery board and a plug I’d found on the Pacific Highway, which I’d saved for that very purpose. At this point, most men would have admitted defeat and retreated. Unfortunately, this particular individual did not possess the requisite self-awareness, and shot back at me: “You can’t get a tyre off the rim with your emery board.” The entire sorry episode was retrieved by another bemused customer, who looked at my accuser and in a very calm voice told him to stop digging a hole for himself, as at that present moment he was half-way to China.

With the tyre still leaking air, this being 9 a.m. on December the 24th, I asked for my car to be removed from the hoist, so I could go and have the tyre fixed somewhere else, and hang the expense. I would have thought that the instruction manual for working at Beaurepairs would have included something along these lines: “Please remove the wooden chocks before attempting to reverse a car off the hoist.” This guy must have been off sick when they covered this; he revved my car right over the chocks. With murder on my mind, I departed, as it is my understanding that homicide is still against the law in NSW. Mind you, give me a jury full of car owners and I think I could have gotten away with it.