My car caught me cheating on him. And yes, it is a Him, not a Her. As the old adage goes, “If it has tyres or testicles it’s going to be nothing but trouble.” For me, it had not been the first, but a hell of a lot of the second. OK, back to the cheating. Picked up my mail as I do every Friday from my Post Office Box. There were advertisements for things I never purchased or ever wanted, as well as the usual bills, more bills, and a miniscule refund from my health fund that was almost exceeded by the $0.60 postage. But one very expensive-looking A5-size envelope piqued my interest. The sender was from Richmond, Victoria. Since I did not know anybody from Richmond, I left this envelope till last to be savoured with my morning coffee. The letter read as follows:

Dearest E,

We’ve had two great years together, but I get the feeling things aren’t the same as when we first met.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve enjoyed every twist and turn on our shared journey and treasured every kilometre we’ve put on the clock.

But recently, I’ve noticed you looking at others the way you used to look at me. It’s OK. I’ll understand if you choose to move on and try something new. Something to satisfy that itch in your right foot.

I’ve included profiles of those I think you’ll find attractive. If any of them catch your eye, go ahead and call. I won’t listen.

I’ll even look the other way if you invite one home.

Maybe I’m just being paranoid. Maybe it’s all under my hood. I’m simply considering the possibility of us going our separate ways. It’s understandable. Sometimes change is for the best.

I just want you to be happy.
Your E-Class

Two of my female friends want to divorce their husbands and all want to marry my car. However, since it is my car and I kiss it and love it to death, they are not having it! It’s mine, all mine and I am going to marry it! They can get their own.