Mezzie and I were introduced on 22^nd December last year. She is a gorgeous little MX 5 and I am in love. Ok, Ok, I am contradicting myself here. I know that I said that all cars are Him rather than Her. However executive decision made and Mezzie is a Her and most importantly she has ABS brakes. After number of sessions with Boz it become very obvious that my driving is well and truly deteriorated so much with all the gadgets available on the new cars that I am simply unable to drive on the race track without locking up brakes and just between you and I, I think Bozman was getting tired of ending up on the auxiliary roads of Wakefield facing the wrong way.  Just something about that pained expression on his face had given the game away.

I was the first paying punter to take Mezzie around Wakefield; the steering wheel was so new I ended up with palm of my hands almost black. The four point seat belts are easy to adjust. After the first session Bozman even figured out how to open the electric windows, which came in very handy in the 38 degree heat. Initially blaming the fuse, after our first session he asked me to flick a little “Magical” switch on the right had side of the dashboard and miracle of miracles, the windows worked. Sorry Boz had to put that one in. You can’t always be perfect.

I hope to drive Mezzie next time I am at Wakefield; somehow I don’t like my chances of ever being allowed to take Kermit out on the track. That is OK, I love Mezzie and am happy with that.

Started to look around for a new car. I had my E250 for over 3 years and its time for a change. This car will be hard to trade in. Discounting my SLK this had been a car that I simply loved. Two door, but four seats, so enough space to carry oversized handbag, brief case heavy enough to be compared to medium sized house plus two rear seats that fold down to carry my pushbike to Centennial Park because I am just too much of  coward to cycle on the roads, or is that too lazy? I can never make up my mind what is the truer statement. One of the serious contenders was a Porsche Cayman, took one for a spin and thought that the decision was made there and then. It is truly a fabulous car. The only thing that set a niggling doubt in my mind, it is a two seater with very little room. I know its mid-engine and there is space in the front and back, but memories of my SLK kept flooding back. Don’t get me wrong my SLK was brilliant, but I remembered in winter having to do three runs to the dry cleaners to pick up my dry cleaning. Also memories of a picnic organised amongst friends had people making fun of me for months as all I could carry was a small picnic basket and half a dozen bottles of Moet did not win me very many brownie points. The Moet shut them up, but not long enough. Yes there are four seater Porsche’s and they are fabulous, but out of my price range new and second hand worries me that I could be taking on somebody’s else’s  problems. One of my neighbours has a bright yellow 911T Porsche from the 1980’s and I lost count the amount of times I have seen her broken down on the side of the road. If you don’t look after these cars and maintain them they just turn into a bottomless money pit. So, what else is there? Back to Macintosh just as the new CLA45 AMG become available.  So, here I am eating humble pie, big time. There is a 12 months waiting list, but I am ok with that. I had to wait for all of my Mercs, so no big deal. Just one more thing, having learned the lesson with my E250 the new car is white. Don’t’ get me wrong I am under no illusion that white is easy to keep clean. It’s just that despite my car always being garaged the black is impossible to keep clean. It’s a good thing I love the coffee at Awash.

Thursday 9^th. According to SMH, female driver nearly died after her Audi Q3 seized up and her smart key locked her in searing heat of 41 degrees. The journalist David McCowen reported that the driver could not open the windows or doors and was finally rescued after attracting attention of passers-by. I do feel sorry for the driver, however the comments were something else again. There were calls for the entire smart key technology to be scrapped, issuing drivers with emergency hammers like the ones Emergency services have and one bright spark suggesting that all drivers with the smart key option should leave a spare key in the car. In my car that would totally defeat the purpose as when MB detects the key inside of the vehicle it simply will not lock. Even dropping the key in the boot when unloading groceries will not allow the driver to close the boot. I am unsure if Audi has the same function, but I am sure that most manufacturers allowed for that type of emergency.

Speaking to other people in our office those driving Fords and other makes of cars that have the keyless option we all know how to override and switch to manual mode. So why is this story getting everybody hot under the collar? The other point is the suggestions of carrying a brick or a crowbar to break the windows. Given the size of the average car cabin and the swing you would need to exert enough power to break the new windows, I’ll say good luck. Watching the hotheads at Wakefield and I have seen what happens to windscreens when idiots see the red mist and end up upside down. Brick or a hammer from a distance of 1-2 feet, you have no hope!

Friday 27^th December 2013, SMH story. Mercedes has joined forces with American company Pebble Technology to develop a series of apps linking this hideous contraption with your car.

It says the Pebble watch can act as a “second screen” for your smart phone and “unlocks some interesting features for the connected car”.

“For example, when away from their vehicle, Mercedes-Benz drivers can review important vehicle information at a glance like fuel level, door-lock status and vehicle location using their Pebble smart watch, even when they are outside the vehicle,” Mercedes-Benz says in a press release.

Further to that, when inside the vehicle, the Pebble watch – through vehicle-to-vehicle communication – can alert drivers to real-time hazards such as accidents, road work zones or vehicle breakdowns through its vibrating function.

Hmm, I am not too sure where to even start. Needing to know how much fuel is in the car when you are sitting in a very boring meeting is just simply way to keep yourself from falling a sleep. What on this Gods Green Earth are you going to do about it? It’s not like you can go out at lunchtime and buy a 10 litter container of Shell Premium 98 to get you home.

Vehicle to vehicle communication, how about communicating with the moron who changes lanes and uses the indicator after the fact. Once this communication option is available I am happy to be one of the first to have this in my car. However I have serious doubts that Mercedes will allow me to “communicate” what I really think.

Come on guys, if you are serious about useful things, how about a longer lasting battery in your car keys. Keyless entry is a great option, but it runs the battery down so quickly you almost need to carry a spare car key to ensure you don’t end up stranded in the middle of nowhere.