Team AFP and Rory

After completing the inaugural 24HeuresDeCitron in 2015, a decision was made to enter the 2016 race, but with my own team. However, as Hollywood has proven to us a number of times, movie hits rarely have sequels as good. Think Rocky II, III, IV, V, etc., Jaws 3D, Pirates of the Caribbean whatever release they are on now and all the rest. I am starting to doubt my own sanity, or as a friend of mine put it, in any sane world I should be on some kind of watch list.

Speaking of watch lists, I am sure that I am on one even as we speak. My call to the real AFP to find out if I might use their acronym as our team name resulted in being left on hold for a very long period of time, during which I daresay my name was run through every database in the known world. When the result came back with a big fat zero, the officer enquired why on earth I wanted to use the AFP acronym for a car race. I provided the short version of how LeMons came to Australia, and at that point he lost interest and told me to go away. It may not have been one of my better impulses when I then mentioned to him that my search on the internet resulted in being able to purchase authentic second-hand police shirts, badges, belts, and anything else you may need if you want to impersonate a real police officer. At that point he hung up on me, but not before telling me that he had better things to do with his time. I have a funny feeling that my security clearance has now been revoked.

Our team consists of five weekend hackers whose claim to fame is that we have all watched professionals race and are in awe. Our dream is to replicate Mark Webber during the 24 Heures du Mans, but in all honesty we will be lucky to replicate the cartoon, Wacky Races. I am volunteering to be Muttley. But what we lack as drivers we will make up for by having a professional to manage our garage and the team. The poor guy has no idea what he is letting himself in for; I have made provisions for psychiatric help at the end of the race. In my enthusiasm for professional support I even approached Pete Evans to assist with catering. Come on, MKR will be finished by then. He’ll have nothing better to do. However, my request was declined due to the lack of the mastodon cuts that now form his entire diet, and on top of that the butcher at Goulburn has taken out an AVO against me. Honestly, I just enquired if he could do Woolly Mammoth roast.

On the more positive side, I have been able to purchase a cute little MX5, NA model. However I still need to call in every favour I have ever performed to get the car to racing standard. Just call me Eddie Obeid from now on.